Final

Please read this before reading my personal statements.

Europe and little Asia’s

All on your pivotal throttle

Your neck cracks every time you

Hear the white noise

And you

Smell the charisma

And you

See my presence

Making you feel so whole

It marked a hole on the wall

Right

Side

Up

Defying gravity.

Ain’t no storms but calamities, yes.

Ain’t no storms but calamities, yes.

Bless. Bless. Bless-

Me with much goodness

Because my decisions been so reckless

And for nights I went restless

Heading to the path of disaster.

What the fuck?

Have I created a monster?

So I look in the mirror and what do I see?

A silhouette of a woman in distress

I can’t quite measure how her body seems deformed,

With no remorse,

I was shot.

Shut.

Like the exit before the detour

With your actions you lure

Me

Into a fantasy

Synonymous with realities

I can’t quite accept yet.

I promise I will shine again.

My light will not go dark

Even when forever, I’ll be marked

With shallow hollows shading the shadows

Of an everlasting loophole.

So tell me, are you afraid of the dark?

~

Before really listening to me,

Remember that what you hear,

And how you’re listening

Is a projecting force from within.

So, bear with me.

Take this to your deepest core.

If you ask me why I am the way I am,

I want you to know that

I have so much fight in me.

If you ask me why I am the way I am,

I want you to know that

I love myself.

If you ask me why I am the way I am,

I want you to know that

I am the way I am.

But

if I had one chance to pray,

I would pray this,

Please bless me, bless me, bless me because-

Here I am, pouring sweat on my body,

But it hurts every time it touches me.

It burns like acid-looking/wax-burning on a candlelight, lit with fire

As if I was made from one,

As if I was made from fire,

As if I was made from one.

As if I carry the ocean waves of tears

Of my ancestors crying for

Not another day where

They had to give little pieces of themselves,

Willingly being robbed or their tongues,

Bear,

To ride the bandwagon of such a white blanket.

White spaces,

White blanket,

White spaces.

Spaces.

No.

My tears speak for how heavy my heart feels.

its weight pushing down my organs trying to find the right ways to escape a body so whole, yet so hollow.

As if I stand a chance.

I can feel their footsteps marching,

Running, crawling,

a smoke of sand blowing everywhere,

Stumbling back home.

No.

Rooted from my veins, my blood-

My blood always find the right points of temperature enough just to boil immediately

as if it was a default setting,

regularly bound to happen.

Like my body is not mine to keep

Every single time someone who does not

Look like me speak.

My blood boils

Ooh

My blood boils.

As if my body was wrapped up,

bonded by the pacific ring of fire.

My blood boils.

No.

On schedule, there was no structure as to how I scrape the walls of my bones

And no, it doesn’t hurt,

And no.

(I mean)

yes,

red alert,

red alert,

red alert,

But not

to then revert

the forbidden tending motion

Of the protection I had

From this

Red

White

Blue

Land of the

Red white blue

Land of the

Free?

Land of the

Red, White, Blue,

Land of the Free?

United Snakes of America,

Land of the free,

Applies to you,

And you,

And you,

But not for me.

One nation

Under God,

Indivisible,

With liberty,

And justice for all

- except if you’re not white.

I will never be enough for you.

No different than the night

of a pot burning on the stove

that daddy left,

that daddy left,

that daddy left,

-daddy left …

me.

I never felt so alone

I was cold,

Then I was told

That you were whole

Once. you did uphold

The standards of what it was like

To be a part of your family.

Daddy,

I knew all along.

Somebody like me will never really be

My skin so brown

My eyes so wide

My hair so black.

My teeth so bright.

I can’t quite find the silver lining.

How could I have been so foolish?

I want to feel the privilege of

Sleeping peacefully

Knowing that racism,

Misogyny,

And

Intolerance will not affect me.

But

I am young

And foolish

Full of ambition

But

I am young

And foolish

Full of ambition

In this country.

Need I say more?

I’m not mad. I just want you to feel what it feels like.

~

My name is Patricia Carla Cortado. My pronouns are she, her, and hers. I am a 21 year old Filipina, an immigrant, a proud EOF scholar, and a Journalism & Media Studies Major with the minor of Gender and The Media and Latinos and Caribbean Studies. I am currently the President of Latin American Womyn’s Organization and the Retention Chairperson running a mentorship program under the Latino Student Council. I am a lover and a believer of loving the self first.

I grew up in the San Juan, Metro Manila in the Philippines. Nine years ago, I immigrated to this country. I have yet to go back and visit. I miss the culture, my family, and everything that took awhile for me to love, only to leave it behind. I went to an all girl Catholic school across the street from an all boy Catholic school. Dominican College was where it was. Aquinas was where the boys were. Together, we made up the most prestigious school in the city.

I have always been the one to play the game by the rules. Growing up, I stayed out of trouble. Now, I still do. Photography and film take up my time. Art, as a matter of fact, has taken up my time and it showed no remorse. To art, I submit. I am all about owning my agency through my art and now through my womanhood. I use it to empower myself and others. I practice that with my burning passion to always let the good times multiply.

Once we moved here, my life has been on autopilot. At my prime femme fatale, I believe that I will be unstoppable.

I am currently in the most important journey that I believe I owe myself- loving myself first. With that, I recognize that I am not alone in the world and that I share a space with everyone and everything around me. Being that, I make sure that my space is well done and inviting of all the goodness in the world. In order to do that, I have to make sure that I have enough love for myself to share the world and its people.

I advocate for learning about our roots so we can be knowledgeable about what paths to take in order to be successful. I advocate for representation in administrative levels of intersectionality of people (inclusion vs diversity). I advocate for people who were kept silent, put down, and let down by the system where we were all set to fail.

My film revolved around all that I believe in,everything I love, everything I am learning to love, and everything I loved.

I plan to make people feel. I believe that if my art can cause even the slightest bit of empathy, I am appreciated and I did my job releasing some type of power through art. I have sporadic clips of what it is like to be in my shoes with the central theme of self-love and what I advocate for. They all tie in together so I will be promoting intersectionality as well. From my experiences, I will show what it is like to be a queer woman of color. It is important to celebrate ourselves every once and awhile. If not that, it is important to honor at least what people are passionate about. Being an activist is not easy when the rest of the word does not believe in some movements we fight for. This is not for me. This is for the future and those who have contributed to my growth.

Different highlights will be shown to create a vision of how these contributions keep me going.

I took clips from exactly a year ago and compiled it to one video journal. This is a year’s worth of my life and what I choose to show. It hits parts like home (Irvington and New Brunswick). Visually, it shows how my life has been changing through the seasons. It highlights different folks who have impacted my life and how the environment did as well. It shows places like New York City, Maryland, Dominican Republic, Canada, Niagara Falls, and some local places too.

Ultimately,  this is the power of owning my own narrative and vulnerability. Welcome to some parts of my life. Enjoy.