To begin, my video is a representation of the biggest lesson I’ve cultivated from my life experience, through my hardships, through my ups and downs, and my experience through an unconventional, roller coaster of a childhood. I grew up in a single parent home with my mother and brother in a rural area not too far from Rutgers. I experienced life through a middle class perspective. I had everything I needed to be happy, and comfortable. I didn’t have too much and I didn't have too little. Living with just my mother was probably the best thing for me considering my father was not the best role model, he had and still has many behavioral issues such as alcoholism, drug addiction, anger issues, and bipolar disorder. I lived this way, with a single parent, until I was 15 years old when unfortunately my mother passed away from breast cancer, so I moved in with my 81 year old grandfather and at the time my brother 20 year old brother. Luckily my new house was actually down the street from my previous one. Living in a more unfortunate situation really got me to appreciate the little opportunities I was given despite my misfortunes. Also living through others with mental disorders including myself, I took from the situation what I could, like learning to be independent, responsible, and mature at a young age. Despite all the hardships, I was given a lot of opportunity through education & hobbies. I went through high school with my mother in mind and aspiring to explore my potential and not follow my father’s foot steps. With this motivation pushing me forward, I managed to be inducted into National Honors Society as early as possible in my high school. I also learned educational/time management skills through my hobbies, such as dance. Since I was 11, I danced everyday of the week about 5-6 hours everyday, thus making it almost impossible NOT to follow a schedule. Not only did dance teach me time management, it also helped tremendously with my own mental disorders; anxiety, OCD, and depression, which I was diagnosed with in 8th grade. Dance helped with this by pushing my self-consciousness down and just getting up on stage and doing the best I could through having fun rather than perfecting, which is what my OCD would make me do, perfect everything. Dance proved to me that I didn’t have to be perfect, just happy. Each of the misfortunes that occurred in my life taught me lessons rather than hindered my being. I’m not exactly “happy” about what happened, but I’m grateful for the things they taught me.
What I really want to frame in my project is how I handle my anxiety and depression, through little enjoyments. I want to show not only the inside look on mental illness but the things that help me individually with my own mental illness’. These things are super important to me because they’re what kept me here, they’re what got me through the rough patches and I don’t ever want to forget what to be grateful for because for a very long time, I was blinded to enjoyment and rather saw life as a burden rather than something to make the best out of, honestly, not until pretty recently. Not until I made the move to Rutgers University and met people, big and small, that impacted myself is such a way that it’s hard to even believe where my mindset had once been. Simply put, I want to make my final project, a happy one.
The process behind my video had changed and shifted almost each and everyday. At first, I wanted to almost “wing” the moments; walking to class, walking to the bus, sitting down, I would spot things that evoked pleasant feelings physiologically/mentally and simply recording them. Then I had remembered moments that I experience constantly that I normally wouldn't document, these moments I like to believe that everyone must experience at least once in while. E.I. Pouring a morning cup of coffee, opening new makeup, the lighting of a certain scene….anything that brightened my day. I portrayed my pleasant feeling not only through the scenes themselves but the music in the background as well. I like to think that the song I chose is very laid back, casual, and enjoyable but in the most mesmerizing way. I tried to formulate a message with these simple scenes. This message being to “enjoy the little things.”
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